20/20 in 2020

It’s been 25 days since I last went in to work… I’m not even sure what day San Joaquin County or California officially went on a Stay Home Order… all I know is it’s lonely… and it sucks. For a person like me that cannot sit still or focus on any given task for long periods of time, trapped in a small apartment, this is hell.

A large majority of us walked in to 2020 talking all about vision, change, how 2020 was going to be different… You know… Kind of like we do every year… But this year had to REALLY be different. Afterall, this is the year of Vision; 20/20 Vision.

Here we are 4 months and 7 days into 2020 and all I hear is “Here I go again on my own, goin’ down the only road I’ve ever known. Like a drifter, I was born to walk alone. And I made up my mind. I ain’t wastin’ no more time.” If you don’t know that great song by White Snake, head over to YouTube before you even continue forward in this post. I can literally feel that song pumping through my veins at this point in time.

This year will be nothing like any of us have envisioned or eagerly anticipated, but it is, without question, a year of 20/20 vision. Look around you… The families that are spending time together, doing things they probably can’t remember the last time they slowed down long enough to do. People taking time to call and have real conversations with people they haven’t seen or spoken to and who knows how long. (My uncle is thrilled that I’m working from home, as I’ve actually answered my cell both times he called. He’s so accustomed to receiving my voicemail, followed by no response from me… Because I suck at keeping in touch.) Us individuals are forced to look ourselves in the mirror and face all of the shadows that we have kept tucked away, for better or worse. We are forced to find distractions around our living space to keep our over active minds occupied and the anxiety and sadness at bay. This is the year of which we are forced to take a deep look at ourselves, and with that, have in many cases, been granted the amazing gift of “time” to do something about it.

The question is… What are you waiting for? This pandemic is here. It is a grave challenge, but by no means is it an excuse. This is YOUR time to slow down for a minute. YOUR time to take everything in. YOUR time to just sit outside of your living space, close your eyes, listen and breathe. Let this be YOUR time to refocus your energy on what really matters the most. My challenge to you is to reflect on how you’re using YOUR time… and how you can choose to grow through it.

2019 in a Nutshell

Short and sweet… I started this blog out of pure entertainment, and shortly after I started dating. Long story short I learned that people in their 40s are liars just as much (if not more) than people in their 20s. Women are shady as shit… Men are dicks, all regardless of age.

That’s the short version… No need to bore you with the long. It ended with a 10 year relationship down the drain and a fake ass friendship that I was fortunate to have brought to light early enough on. Now here we are 3 months into 2020 under a freaking quarantine/stay at home order… How the hell do you write about dating under those circumstances?

Well… I imagine I won’t. 2020 will likely be about Living Single and re-evaluating people and things that are important… and how to stay sane while stuck at home! Bare with me… entries will likely be random, but you don’t go from working 60+ hours per week to confined to a small apartment overnight and maintain a clear head.

“You remind me of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman…”

There it was… the message that I think was supposed to be a compliment, but instead, made it as an entry in the blog with no chance of a response.  (Mainly because I simply wasn’t interested, but also because if you’re going to insinuate I look like a prostitute, throw some sauce on it and make me feel worth the cost!) “You remind me of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.  Not because you look like a prostitute in a cat woman suit, but because you have the wide cute smile.”

Fortunately a couple of messages were received this week that actually caught my attention.  If anything comes of them, I’ll be sure to share!

Adrianna, you haven’t been forgotten!  Perhaps you should take another blind date in the meantime… a double entry of sorts.  😀 9

“Life is going exactly as planned… 35 and on Bumble”

… And Tinder… And Hinge… And Zoosk. Who would have imagined that this is what the college afterlife would look like??  (Thanks Bumble Caleb for the inspiration behind the title! Couldn’t have summed it up more accurately… P.S. You’re attractive… Bumble me back ;-D)

Feeling like I’d love to go back to my college days now more than ever when the social scene was so simple.  FOUR dating sites and I can’t seem to get a competent response from a single person with mutual interest.  Three weeks into this increased effort in the online world and it remains quite discouraging.  Catchy/inquisitive conversation starters or the simple “Hey, how are you today?” seem to end with the same result… a dead end match with one word responses, if anything at all.  Bumble adds the increased challenge as you both only have 24hrs to respond… Why can’t our messages remain in Bumble Purgatory for more than that when we’ve garnered the courage to initiate contact??

As of today, I’ve sent approximately 42 messages (most of which I initiated after we “matched”), but it’s impossible to tell what would actually get a conversation going or potential date lined up!  Do I go the route, for a week, of “Hey what’s up?  We both know we aren’t looking for new pen pals.  Perhaps this is too forward but here is my number if you would like to meet up for coffee or a drink.”?  Maybe it’s time to head to the city and give speed dating a go!

For today I’ll leave you with these excerpts (essentially unedited of grammatical nuances) of unsolicited messages from seekers in which there was no mutual match:

Be forewarned… This first message, I had NO idea how long it was until I actually typed it up for the readers… So perhaps skim and move to the next.  “Please don’t look down on me or my words, they may sound like sweet lies or stupid but God knows they are from my sincere heart and sincere intentions.  I took my time and red your profile and I am very interested in you.  Forgive me if I sound so direct but the thing is I don’t like pretending.  Please check if you are also interested in me as well.  I am a serious guy, far away from all kinds of bad behavior like aimless drinking, crazy clubbing, love drama, disrespect to women, laziness.  I love smiling and my lady’s happiness is my first priority, I’m very simple minded, easy going, caring, love kids, cook when I should or necessary, clean inwardly and outwardly, sportive, energetic and romantic, I love all kinds of sports specially soccer.  In fact, seeing is believing, I don’t like boasting, I am not a rich man but one thing I can guarantee you is every basic happiness that every good woman desire or deserves and I am independent.  Engineer but also business minded, I worked for a Chinese company in China for more than 6 years and speak good Chinese haha.  I live in (undisclosed to respect some privacy) and I can relocate when it comes to our sincere interest.  I respect every kind of human being because we were all created by one God so if you are someone who practice racism, please just ignore my interest with much respect.  This my number just to enhance our friendship or communication if only you are interested, text or call at anytime because I am not always here, I m new to this site.  We will both know each other if we embrace this chance.  It’s my last week on this app.”  What the hell? Does this actually work for someone?!

Then there are the messages from users that happen 8 days ago… a heart with “Good morning”… 4 days ago “Hey are you online?”… 2 days ago “Hello, gm.  Are my messages coming thru” You see, if there’s one thing I’ve learned from online dating, it’s this:  You can’t respond politely to messages thanking them for the compliment but respectfully letting them know you aren’t interest, as many seem to read that as, “HEY!!  TOTALLY INTO YOU!  MESSAGE ME MORE!!”

The upside, I have no dating nightmares to expose.  The downside, I’m lacking more interesting content to share, because the dating world is such a creative and interesting beast!  Here it is, Monday night, 3 of us at the bar making “just the tip” comments… Perhaps there’s more to why we’re all single??

Stay tuned… later this week I’ll share Adrianna’s first go in the world of Blind Dates.  What has been YOUR worst date??